Tagged: spring 2014 fashion

Self Love

Self Love

I get days when I feel fat. That irritates me. It makes me feel like I’m a failure. Yet I do know that I’m doing my best to eat just the right amount – a balance between proper energy and being thin. When I have my “yucky body day” I try to eat less, and do more sports until the feeling eases out. Sometimes I feel very deeply horrible and yet even a small reactive measure can put things back in the rosier mode. I try to keep this in mind during the darkest moments. A lot of the anxiety issues I face are about internal focus. Do I get fixed on something or can I manage to get my mind off of that thing?

Self Love

Yesterday I realized that what I need is to love myself and body the way it is today. No plans of loosing weight. No alterations convincing me that then things would be better. If I can really appreciate who I am – physically and personality wise – then many of my issues should be solved. I lack confidence in me. I think others have it better. They look better and feel better. Their lives are more interesting and they are less shy than I am.Their blogs are more successful and they earn more money. The list goes on and sounds, yeah, petty. Yet, these are the very thoughts I use to beat myself up when that kind of days rolls out.

Self Love

I eat healthily and mindfully. I do sports every day. I work hard at giving my clients the best. I try to be a good friend. I now also try to take care of myself by not letting family members or other people close to my heart walk over me. Logically when one does one’s best, one can be happy with that. Not more is possible. So, I can be confident. I can love me, the whole of me. This goes for everyone of us. I’m just using my life as an example.

Self Love

I know that pouring out my innermost thoughts like this, in a public space, can be risky. But this is the way I live my life. With my whole heart. By showing the example of talking about things that put a shadow on my life, and searching solutions for them, I hope to encourage others to step out to express their true feelings, too.

Self Love

So the initial question was about self love. That firm base of confidence that will accompany you wherever you go, and will be your best friend and source of power. I could start by telling the girl in the mirror how pretty she looks today. A strange thought yet worth of a try. Liking what is now is not letting yourself go. It is freeing energy for a positive approach.

Self Love

Susu – you are interesting, beautiful and loved. Feels weird to write but I’ll leave it here… as a reminder.

I’d love to hear your thoughts about the theme… Allie, I read your comment with a big smile on my face and will write more about my past life between Finland, USA, France and Canada!

Self Love Self Love Self Love Self Love Self Love Self Love

American Dream

American Dream

I have really decided to stop dwelling in the past. My life in Paris is finished. Over and done with. So I ain’t letting this crazy mind of mine ruin my life here and now. Paris was a passage, a phase… an era. It will always stay with me, in the core of who I am. But now it’s history, as far as I can see. Forcing yourself to like and to focus on something that doesn’t naturally come out so is not a given.

There are days when liking Canada comes easier – and then there are those when I’d rather leave this French-speaking territory. But I have my American dream and I am going after it. If need be, I’ll create my own reality – root beer flavored and jelly bean coated, country music ho-down hollering and corn field wide. What ever it takes to kill this Paris nostalgia beast – for good.

American Dream American Dream

Check me out in an American snow suit. The pics are from The Canadian Museum of History in Ottawa. Such a lovely journey through time there.

I believe in writing your own story, the way you need it to go. I came to America to find that sparkle that I once had – back in Wisconsin and Florida. I plan to continue chasing that state of mind, the Empire One. The BeyoncĂ© bold and curvy, Katie Perry playful and energetic… jogging and rollerblading ferociously until I get there.

American Dream American Dream American Dream American Dream American Dream American Dream American Dream American Dream

An ice-cream float at the diner? Vanilla cream soda, why not… That’ll give us a chance to chat some more heartfelt stuff.

American Dream

Trendy Thin Knit – Food Talk

Trendy Thin Knit

Trying to find a balance in my body. Food things are difficult to figure out. Most of you know that I went down anorexia lane a few years ago. It crept on me subtly. I felt insignificant. Not having accomplished much career wise. There was this frustration and void in my life – even if I lived in Paris, the place I had wanted and chosen.

Trendy Thin Knit

It all started with a diet. I had had food problems – binge eating – in my past though. That started with a ballet teacher’s comment how I needed to be thinner. So in 2005 I got the taste of shedding kilos. Five years later I was in a very skeletal state. I knew it, yet didn’t really. I couldn’t bring myself into doing much about it. Just worry that I’d die. I was scared and trapped in my own game.

Trendy Thin Knit

I moved to Canada and decided to get better. For a year now, I have been eating without counting my intake. Trying to follow my hunger. It’s been more difficult than I had thought. I’ve been more anxious – mostly about life in general – than I would have liked. Why am I writing this? Because this is my blog and I feel the need to talk about this today.

Trendy Thin Knit

I have gained weight more than I would have wanted. I haven’t eaten uncontrollably. Just done my best at eating according to my hunger cues. I basically don’t eat any added sugars anymore. My mornings are made of two open faced sandwiches with veggies – one with a slice of ham, the other with a slice of cheese – and oatmeal. Lunches are salads with turkey and cheese, dessert, if needed, will be a cup of muesli. Dinners are again based on a salad, maybe salmon or chicken. If I need a snack I try to go for an apple, a banana or a granola bar.

Trendy Thin Knit

I ended up going to see a nutritionist. I had never done that before. So far she just told me to pay attention on my iron intake. Trying to eat more eggs and poultry, maybe a bit less cheese. The nutritionist also asked me what I weighed when I had a normal eating period in my life. The brief years in between my binging and restriction leading to anorexia, I weighed about what I do now. I realized that as I was talking to her.

Trendy Thin Knit

The nutritionist explained to me that we all have a programmed weight. That is something that our body decides on its own. We can spend our life fighting this number. If we do so, the body will activate its survival instinct and to be sure to prevail, will even add a few extra pounds to the programmed amount, just to be safe. So, the message to me was that I’m eating the way I should, no visible excess, and the fact that my body has still gained weight is due to my need of being at a higher number, yet. So, I was hoping to shed the four last pounds that I find ugly and too much, and now I am to be an adult about this all and just accept my body the way it needs to be.

Trendy Thin Knit

I would like to see my body energetic and thin. I don’t know if it is possible at a weight that my mind finds pretty. I don’t like my stomach which is not firm and lean. Some body unhappiness is due to happen to everyone. As I see my body get bigger, I’m less enthusiastic about taking pictures.

Trendy Thin Knit

This whole process is quite confusing. I am told that the body will not gain – on normal food intake – beyond its natural need. And that I am not to try to control this. Yet there’s this whole industry based on that.

Trendy Thin Knit

My body, my life (with energy and not anorexia lethargy) and my mind – we’re getting closer to a common understanding, yet there’s still a bit work to be done. Eating freely, recognizing real hunger from emotional stuff, loving my body the way it is, having energy to do what I need and want… These are a lot better than a few years ago. But they can be even more so.

Trendy Thin Knit

Trendy Thin Knit

Yep, sometimes a lot of pondering goes on behind this smile. Does any of what I wrote speak to you? How could we all find peace and feel beautiful without attacking ourselves?

Trendy Thin Knit

susu_1096

Trendy Thin Knit

Trendy Thin Knit

Purple Candy

Purple Candy

My life has been full of activity lately. I’m busy running my company. I try to find time for sports daily – although it hasn’t been for running since I still am not completely cured from the sinusitis.

Purple Candy

This season calls for perky colors, in my neck of the woods. Pretty hues and fabrics. Luckily the sun comes out more and more. Little things make me grateful.

Purple Candy

Any new plans that you have for spring?

Purple Candy

Purple Candy

Purple Candy

Purple Candy

Purple Candy

Purple Candy

Purple Candy

Purple Candy

Sexy Red Lips

Sexy Red Lips

Look at my earrings in the below picture. I found them at Arden – kind of like the North American version of Jennifer in France. The lip theme has been up a lot in the fashion world recently. I have earrings that are little lipsticks, as well. Found them in New York’s Chinatown. I like to have little a bit out-the-ordinary details. Once a student’s mom got her gaze stuck on my ear. Then said, amazed “are those really lipsticks?”

Sexy Red Lips

The best way to fight end-of-the-winter drop in the energy level is to dress up and wear bright, vivifying colors. Red remains a faithful, sexy seduction mate. Maybe a cliche, but men do fall for good ol’ proven tricks. What woman would not want to feel desired?

Sexy Red Lips

I’ve practiced a good doze of patience lately. Having been sick with a sinusitis for two weeks was a sturdy test. Proudly I can say that I came out of it with quite a stable morale. This should boost my belief in my own capacity to manage my life. Not my passing emotions, but me. That makes me feel powerful – a welcomed sensation for anyone.

Sexy Red Lips

So, I’ve decided to be patient about waiting for spring to arrive, too. Here in Quebec City the snow can melt pretty fast. Once things get rolling, we’ll be okay. Patience is a good lesson – often very uncomfortable to learn but pays a lot later on.

Sexy Red Lips

Sexy Red Lips

Sexy Red Lips

Sexy Red Lips

Sexy Red Lips

Sexy Red Lips

Sexy Red Lips

Sexy Red Lips

Gettin’ Crazy – Winter Ain’t Over Just Yet

Gettin' Crazy - Winter Ain't Over Just Yet

This year my winter has gone by a lot faster than the two previous ones here in Canada-land. I’ve done a hefty amount of winter sports – cross-country and downhill skiing, skating and snowshoeing. Could that be the reason?

Gettin' Crazy - Winter Ain't Over Just Yet

The guy at the ice rink knows me by now. The other day they put on Metallica – as opposed to the Franco pop that they usually play – and I had a grand time swooshing away to “Nothing Else Matters”. I congratulated the ice-maker on his excellent musical choice.

The below sign just cracked me up. This is a store in Montreal.

Gettin' Crazy - Winter Ain't Over Just Yet

Gettin' Crazy - Winter Ain't Over Just Yet

I’m getting better at keeping my glamour even in freezing conditions. When I moved to Canada from Paris, that seemed to be the hardest thing. Gradually, you get more practice in decoding the weather, and also in choosing the good materials or the right combos.

Gettin' Crazy - Winter Ain't Over Just Yet

It feels soothing to have found my place here a bit more. Canadians are good people. Very curious about other countries so that has always felt nice.

Gettin' Crazy - Winter Ain't Over Just Yet

French Canada is an experience of its own. Well, on this continent I only know the US – so outside of my last year’s brief hop to Ottawa, I have had no experiences in the English-speaking Canada. I’d be interested to see what Toronto or Vancouver are about. And if they are similar to here.

Gettin' Crazy - Winter Ain't Over Just Yet

Gettin' Crazy - Winter Ain't Over Just Yet

Gettin' Crazy - Winter Ain't Over Just Yet

My Thursday’s zumba continues to be a high point of the week. Although half of Friday goes into trying to get my groove back.

Gettin' Crazy - Winter Ain't Over Just Yet

Lately all the sportive activities have taken a toll on my coffee shop hanging time, but that can be remedied soon. We did go to a delicious Japanese restaurant last Saturday. I had salmon sushi, smoked salmon sushi and salmon maki. Someone at the table made a comment “you must like salmon”. You’re Scandinavian-born or you’re not.

Gettin' Crazy - Winter Ain't Over Just Yet

Gettin' Crazy - Winter Ain't Over Just Yet

Gettin' Crazy - Winter Ain't Over Just Yet

Gettin' Crazy - Winter Ain't Over Just Yet

Gettin' Crazy - Winter Ain't Over Just Yet

Gettin' Crazy - Winter Ain't Over Just Yet

I’ve tried to be more mindful about what and how much I eat. Paying close attention to hunger cues. Somewhere along the line I developed a habit of eating if I got anxious about something. Then I’d regret it later when the feeling passed. Now I’ll aim at sitting down with the feeling, and then decide whether or not that is hunger or something totally different.

Anxiety continues to slather its unwanted colors on my otherwise happier days. How much of it should I just accept as “part of me”? And when can I decide that “that’s not me” and I have to fight it, or better yet chase it away?