Do you love your body?

Do you love your body?

What do you think about your body? To me the question is difficult. There’s the automatic perky answer, and then there are those darker thoughts that can even ruin a good day if I’m not vigilant in regards to my attitude. I keep telling myself not to compare to others, notably to those countless Instagram fashionista shots that I often gaze. I keep trying not to wish for a flat, tightly skinned tummy since mine hasn’t shown the capacity to get quite there.

I eat clean. My nutrition consists of whole grains, veggies, nuts, fruit and protein like ham, chicken and the occasional egg. I do at least one hour of sports daily mostly using my stepper, or if not then walking, skating, skiing, doing zumba or jogging. I started teaching my own latino aerobics class last August. I used to teach fitness so that has felt gratifying. I have got to deliver a fun and structured class, and the challenge pushes me forward.

That said, I regularly battle with feelings of “I’m not thin enough”. These thoughts have never really left my mind ever since I once discovered the world of body unhappiness at the age of fifteen. Where does that feeling come from? The question is very large and I’m not sure to be able to find the answer, ever. So, I have to work around the issue. You know, my constant quest for positive attitude that transforms life and in the end renders things enjoyable.

What is it then that I can do to love my body the way it is today? Focusing on what I can do, and not so much on what I look like doing it, is a key element. If you don’t allow your body the proper nutrition, you cannot be active to your full potential. A body that eats is a body that has energy to perform. Another thing I can be mindful about is “competing” with myself. We all have our specific genetics and age. Being slim at fourteen is most likely easier than at forty. So, if I am to compare, I should do it with people in my age group in order to give myself a fair chance. Comparing isn’t good though, so the ultimate goal would be to stop following those Insta feeds, or other pictorial impulses that I allow myself to see. If one could just be strong enough to take home the fashion inspiration and leave your own body putting down aside.

As I’ve written this text, I’ve come to the conclusion that I need to be more mature about how I see my body. I need to be realistic. I need to appreciate the weight that my body has chosen in the healthy conditions that I have given it. If I do my best in providing good nutrition and daily exercise, so then the weight that my body needs to be happy should make me happy too. The key to happiness then is in changing the way I think of the ideal weight for myself.

Do you love your body?

Do you love your body?

Do you love your body?

Fat Talk

Fat Talk

The purpose of my blog is to write about things that make life happier – more chic, too. Fashion is of course one the tops. Feeling good in my body is very important. I travel a lot. Visit different places and cities. Yet I struggle with anxiety. That’s something I write about as well. I need to be ‘whole’ about what I’m experiencing. That’s the only way I’ve found to live in harmony with myself. Talking all things out so that they don’t have to do so in harmful ways like anorexia, depression or panic attacks. Been there, done that.

If I feel yuckily fat and bloated in my body – for a reason or just imagined – it’s hard to have a grand day. The same goes for anxiety. When I put words to those sentiments, I can get support from others – those bad vibes always want to convince you that you are the only person on this earth going thru these emotions – and usually “life gets in the way” in a good sense. I find a manner to go on regardless of imperfection.

Fat Talk

I try to do my best in feeling great. I saw this list of foods that burn fat – or I’d prefer to put it more modestly, keep you on a good track. I was happy to realize I already eat a lot of them. The ones I will name are: oatmeal, apples, tomatoes, garlic and dark chocolate.

My diet has drifted more and more towards veggies, fruits and grains. My mornings start off with almond raisin muesli, followed by 2 whole wheat toasts one topped with a cheese slice, another with a ham slice, then cucumber and tomato slices. Sometimes I may have an additional peanut butter and jam toast. I usually eat more when I work. On days off sometimes a cup of muesli will suffice.

Lunch will be a salad with iceberg, spinach, tomatoes, cucumber, aged cheddar cheese cubes, light Italian salad dressing and my at the moment’s craze: cashew nuts. It’s been going on a while already that I crave nuts. I wonder if the fact that I spent years forbidding them from myself has something to do with it. Or maybe my body just likes its proteins and healthy fats that way. For dessert I may have a cup of muesli. Or an apple.

In the evening I eat if I’m hungry. Sometimes yes, at times not that much. My appetite is the biggest in the morning and then declines. I’ve totally adjusted to that. My evenings are usually made of veggies, hummus, apples and why not more cashews and even cheese.

I’m still trying to figure out the best way for me to eat in the quest for a thin and energized body. I went down to such a low weight 2009-2010 that I wasn’t truly functional anymore. But part of me liked the extreme skinniness and so I’m still trying to accept my body the way it apparently has to look in order to be able to live. I believe to be in my set weight now. I would have wanted it to be lower, but I’m trying to make myself understand – in a happy way – that some things just have to be the way they are.

Sexy White Kiss

So now I am starting to dare living again… Yesterday we went out to a typical American Diner Frites Alors, and I had a hamburger with a side of half salad, half fries! I mean, I had never had that in a restaurant! All the time lived in the U.S. and I had always managed to avoid the fries-burger combo. How sweet it tasted. And I was eating like everyone else. With a glass of hearty red wine, please. Then we headed out to the carnival night festivities. I danced my heart out in the ice dome, even took the Ferris wheel – something my fear of heights never let me do before! So not am I only kicking anorexia’s ass, but also some other anxiety issues. The road is still rocky, looking at these above pics the accusing side of me is calling me fat, but I will make it out.

My art is flowing as well. The above piece is my fave so far, hereĀ  on the Canadian side. I feel like my style is evolving, becoming more defined. Abstract with some order and clarity still. That is a real joy, since I was a bit lost. Frustrated. Head full of things I wanted to produce, yet they didn’t come out as I wished.

Art by Susa

Finland vintage shirt, Etam shorts, Andiamo pumps, Promod necklace