It’s a part of my yearly routine now. I go down to Miami to get some sun and fun. I hook up with my girl Missy. I reminisce the old times when I used to be a Florida girl. I still am. And now a Paris girl, too. A sweet combination of all the things dandy that have crossed my life. Miami is such a burst of energy when you pop in from the wintry Canada. How sweet it feels to kick off them winter boots and trade in for flip flops.
Change and time off from our daily life is what we need. Just to walk on the beach and listen to the waves, and life. I take in all that. I dip my toes in the water. It caresses my painted nails. I feel thankful. I feel alive. I feel like all my past struggles don’t really matter. Well, they do because they’ve molded, and keep molding me. But they are just lessons that kindly guide me and my heart. They don’t rule me, anymore. Or at least at that moment they don’t.
Reflecting like this is pivotal for me. I love checking where I am headed. Trying to connect with my God to see what is up ahead. Sometimes He lets me in on secrets. Other times I am just to accept that now it is not the time, but the time to be faithful and patient.
Lately I’ve been struggling – again – with my inner darkness. Hard to tell from today’s color, huh! If only I could get deeply lost in a pink bubble. A soft, all-embracing, non-judgmental protective sphere.
Depression is such a tricky travel buddy. It comes and goes pretty much as it pleases. Now I’ve decided to get some help. An external ear to listen and assist me in finding solutions.
Here’s me and my bubbly love – pink champagne. The Sweets’ treat for his princess.
My friend Miss Cupcake‘s goodies.
Life’s tiny gold pebbles that I try to sprinkle along the way… so that darker days would become less.
Oh and then these, pink finger cookies. From our friends, delivered directly from the very land of Champagne. These are to be dipped into the fizzy, acid-y drink.
The citrus tones of bubbly marry to a marvel with the sugary tang of the air-light cookie.
These bygone fashion show images still rekindling my spring aspirations.
See that smile… well, so not depressed all the time. This glitzy gal.
Somewhere there shall my pink bubble be found.
I write about my struggles openly. Do not judge. It is to encourage, if ever you’re going thru same kind of stuff. You’re not alone. Pretty clothes and nice little treat-y bites can give a moment’s happiness.
Limitée vest, Limitée sweater, Limiteé skinnies
Dealing with depression isn’t easy. But I am doing my best. I’m talking it out. This is the reality. I have been feeling sad for a long time.
I’m trying to mobilize all the energy I have within. I must find the way to appreciate what surrounds me again. My life has the right to feel good, anew.
I long to be the one who bursts out positive vibes and encourages, not the opposite. What is holding me back has to go.
Good feelings start with little things. The goal is to love my life the way it is today. No “added sugar” needed. All the sweetness is already there, if I could just feel it.
Being open about one’s struggles is risky. Yet I believe that it is the only way to advance. We all have our weaknesses. Mine are depression and anxiety. Difficulty to like my body.
When I dish out, I wish that it speaks to you, too.
My happiness search has been launched. Care to join me? Fashion is a way to feel better… among others. Following trends does give me a self-esteem boost.
Limité faux fur vest, Simons Twik shirt, Forever 21 skirt, NYC studded leggings, Globo boots
I have had the urge to push myself into digging deep in me for answers – how to feel free from sadness. I realized that I have been sad for a long time. Sadness that is due to no one. No lack of love. No lack of friends or family. But that deep sad place that I find myself in. I put myself in. Maybe. How I got there isn’t the important thing.
I realized that I used to be a sad child. Sad for things that I could see but couldn’t change. That’s okay to realize. No one’s fault. Not at all. Then I became aware of having been the shy teen. Frustrated with myself for not reaching my dream of being the excellent ballerina. Asking always more and more from myself. Finding bad, overeating ways to soothe the frustration in me.
At my friend Chantal’s Gala
In my thirties I stated using loosing weight as a way to escape from life’s true feelings. I got so entangled in calorie tango that it took all my energy. My ballet passion had been replaced. Yet that couldn’t go on.
I found myself blaming the place where I had moved to for the emptiness I experienced. But the void is somewhere else. The root of the sadness. That I have to find. Then weed it out of my life. First time ever. Only then will I be free to see where I could really be happy.
How to get to my core. I’m trying to find out. Looking for answers from people in my life – friends, family, my pastor, reading on the Net, connecting with blog friends. This is the most important voyage I have ever embarked on.
I would love to hear your experiences and ideas.
Limité dress, Bata boots
Trends go up and down. Now it is hip to wear black and white, beige is kind of out. Leggings are gone, now it is skinnies. The thing I want to write about is my moods. Somehow I’ve become awfully moody. One day I’ll wake up and be desperately down. Like yesterday. I just felt like I needed to run away from everything. All my energy was spanked out. I hated to be where I am, longed for Paris, my old former city.
I have no reason nor right to be this unhappy. I have a company. My husband loves me. I get to have time to fashion blog and paint art. I can have fun with trends or go out for walks as long as I wish. Yet why is it that there are days when I just feel so miserable? I regret moving to Canada. I long for somewhere else. A place I don’t even know exists.
I spend a great deal of time browsing the Net, trying to find answers to this sadness problem of mine. Today, I am under the control of my moods. If the great depression decides to halt above my head, I have no other possibility but to surrender. This doesn’t put me in control of my life. I just observe and obey. And wait for the bad cloud to retire.
Would you have any advice on this? Is there a cure for moodiness? Or is it a part of life, something I should simply accept.
Ok, here is how I roll this never-ending winter…
The local fashion statement is right out there. Like the feisty Canadian winds.
Girly things get my mind off from deeper concerns.
Like my daddy being sick and in the hospital. And me an ocean apart.
Life is a span of good and bad.
I am trying to embrace my journey with every day thankfulness. Even for the gloomy days.
Still adapting to life in Canada. Homesickness lurking.
Have a sweet day! Try to stay present to the moment. That is my depression scare away.
Shania dress, Zara belt, Helsinki vintage jacket, Andiamo pumps, Kookai purse