Be Inspired!

I want to write about how fashion makes me feel. Uber skinny models have me ask why? Still and again? My restrictive eating wasn’t caused uniquely by fash’ mag flipping, but partially yay. I couldn’t help but compare this girl to those glamorously portrayed in big glitter city scenes. If making me feel like crap wasn’t the purpose, then what was? Do these women stay at that weight just by genes? With no effort. And if there is a conscious push, is that then healthy to artificially maintain a lower than genetic body fat figure?

I am confused. I want to keep on reading about how to have fun with trends, boost that bluesy day, but don’t want to temp myself back into the collar bone comparison game. I equally long to enjoy fashion, but not consume more than my ecologic soul or economic, realistic life can afford. Is fashion blogging all about buying?

My life needs daily glamour. I wish to sparkle my being with little surprising vogue details. They don’t have to be pricey, yet can feel so exquisitely luxurious. I want to feel energetic and lovely in my body. I am determined to love myself in the shape that my body needs to be. This thought is scary at the same time, knowing that for the past seven years I have artificially controlled every entering calorie and thus maintained the fake form. Now that I am letting my body have a say, things feel unknown and impressive. Yet deep down, I know that since a long time, I am finally doing myself some real good. Painful youth binging is gone, so is the adulthood calorie hunt. Now Susa can just live. My body is still adjusting, as if it almost wouldn’t believe all this freedom to be true.

Having gone through the hell of two types of eating disorders, I now want to talk about this shameful secret that so many women experience. You don’t have to go to extremes, be hospitalized or loose your friends due to binge-caused let downs. You can be miserable at any level of screwed up eating behavior. And the more you sink into eating disorders, the worse it is for your mind and body. Get out as soon as you can.

So these days I am trying to let my body heal. I am giving it the proper, good, uncomplicated food. Along with the rest that it at the moment cherishes. I am trying to look at myself in the mirror with gentleness. Welcoming back the shape my unique life needs. I am looking at fashion from a self-protective point of view, trying not to hurt this girl with images that would convince me in wanting to be anyone else but me. I am beating the eating disorder left emptiness and anxiety with fashion frenzies that I create. Throwing together feathers, sequins, glitter and fur. Saying to Susa, “you are beautiful just the way you are. You lived in Paris but weren’t truly happy. You let the world impress you. Now you are finally living a fully fueled life. What a noble act.” Please join me in taking fashion for ourselves – lovely, healthy eating, energetic glam girls and guys!

Tagged: beating the blues, eating disorder recovery, glamour, glitter, radical self love