I met my long time blogger friend Missy. My Floridan lil’ sis, wouldn’t you say? Missy just loves all things sparkly. She’s a true Southern girl. Born in Florida, lived in Texas and Georgia. Missy has so much knowledge on healthy eating and she’s studied English – so her future may very well be in inspirational speaking about healthy living and writing kids’ books.
Just like Missy and I, we all need to put our past behind us and be bold – break free to try and do things we truly desire. Four years ago I was very much in the middle of an unhealthy struggle with my body. I wanted to loose weight. Lots of it. The looser my pants felt, the more attractive and sexy I considered myself to be. Except that thru the years, guys stopped looking at me with “that sparkle” in their eyes. How would people not see how great and super skinny-lovely I was? Distorted body image… I thought that it would never happen to me. That said, I myself was worried for me. I knew I was dancing a dangerous tango with serious health complications, possibly death.
Letting go of anorexia was a long road. I advanced in plateaus. I’d muster up the courage to gain some needed weight, then get scared, sulk and stop. Then I’d try again. I’d eat an overly sugared diet – f**k, if I had to become a whale, I’d do it with foods I liked – then calm down to a more of a normal regime.
Ten kilos/22lbs later, I am still myself. People look at me and smile. Cars honk their horns and yep, flirting is back. I didn’t change that much after all. And yet, those pounds make all the difference. Now I can live again – instead of looking at life from a distance, trying to maintain a certain number on the scale that I have decided. Now my body decides and I fine tune. We are on speaking terms again.
If you’re fighting weight issues, know that you can come out of them. I had been sick from the age of 15 until 29 – dieting and non-vomit binging, and then anorexia started lingering around me at 31. Last year, at 38 I decided to be done with “this shit”. I allowed softness to return on me. I took baby steps.
The biggest challenge is not to look back. Not to be triggered as they say. The key is in feeling confident in who you are – no matter where, when or with whom. This is a big one to tackle, but doable. I’d say it is the core of most eating disorders. Feeling small, insignificant and a looser in your life. None of that anymore, in my or anyone else’s life around me. My goal is to speak kindly to myself and to all folks whose lives mine touches. We are all beautiful. You… me… us the real people! Honest, caring, open-hearted like my dear Missy!