Blue Heart
I have had the urge to push myself into digging deep in me for answers – how to feel free from sadness. I realized that I have been sad for a long time. Sadness that is due to no one. No lack of love. No lack of friends or family. But that deep sad place that I find myself in. I put myself in. Maybe. How I got there isn’t the important thing.
I realized that I used to be a sad child. Sad for things that I could see but couldn’t change. That’s okay to realize. No one’s fault. Not at all. Then I became aware of having been the shy teen. Frustrated with myself for not reaching my dream of being the excellent ballerina. Asking always more and more from myself. Finding bad, overeating ways to soothe the frustration in me.
At my friend Chantal’s Gala
In my thirties I stated using loosing weight as a way to escape from life’s true feelings. I got so entangled in calorie tango that it took all my energy. My ballet passion had been replaced. Yet that couldn’t go on.
I found myself blaming the place where I had moved to for the emptiness I experienced. But the void is somewhere else. The root of the sadness. That I have to find. Then weed it out of my life. First time ever. Only then will I be free to see where I could really be happy.
How to get to my core. I’m trying to find out. Looking for answers from people in my life – friends, family, my pastor, reading on the Net, connecting with blog friends. This is the most important voyage I have ever embarked on.
I would love to hear your experiences and ideas.
Limité dress, Bata boots
Great post
Mahnoor’s haul
Hang in there, Sunshine! There are no simple answers.. but it really helps to work through things.. Maybe one thing is having certain expectations for yourself and then if you do not accomplish it, you feel as though you have failed… It’s good to look as things in life not as failures, but as experiences, that you path of life.. takes you somewhere… you are always on that path, always on the journey… But how you look at it, how you define your own happiness.. is another thing.. You know we are very similar.. and I will talk to you more about this… I have some more ideas.. Talk soon.. Sending you love and light.. Peace.
When I see your smile, I can’t even guess how sad you can be or must have been. The thoughts you’re sharing in this post are so deep, there isn’t one single and simple answer to them. Leesa Garcia is so right and this is how I learned to look at things I didn’t accomplish right. They aren’t failures but experiences that help me to learn from my mistakes.
Besides, being surrounded by people you love and who love you helps a lot in looking at the bright side of things and getting to know yourself better.
Love,
Oh girl, I hear you… I wrote on my blog about that a little bit today… it’s finally kinda hard to know where we come from and where we want to go (and how ?). Hang on
As you know I am nowhere near to having things figured out myself either. I guess we’re on the same path, you a bit ahead of me. But I keep reminding myself that it’s not about the goal, it’s about the way we get there. It’s about the journey itself. Be well love
(PS; LOVE the dress!!)
You look so chic in this outfit.!
Thank you for such a a touching post. I related to every word. I also have always had this lingering sadness, even when I felt happy. I’ve been trying to get to and work on the core issues for years now and I have finally found a therapist that is able to really help me to do this, she is amazing. Also, for me I find that being in a relationship is bringing up/triggering a lot of core stuff (as usual), and while it isn’t always fun, I feel like I am finally breaking through.
I was a sad kid too and then a shy teen … it’s taken me a lot of work to get myself to a better place, and it’s not like I’m ever finished but things are improved. You can do it too! Acknowledging the situation makes it possible.