What is this blog about? Initially it was to document my love for Paris. Then it became about my fall for fashion. Along the journey – unfortunately - you also saw me get sick with anorexia, or scarily close to it. Melt, shrink, lessen… whatever you want to call it.
Now it is about sharing what I love. Fashion along other delights. Me trying to find my way in my fourth country – Canada. After Finland, the USA and France, a new adventure.
I’m still trying to get out of the grip of an eating disorder. The last battles. Physically I am at a good weight now. But often times the negative thoughts still linger on. The urge to restrict my food intake when things get trickier inside. When I feel fat. But I should know I am not. I feel I have more surface. A tummy. Buttocks. This is normal, right?
What if I just forgot all the cogitating? No more asking if I feel good in my body, or am at the right place. If I just started living. Because after all, things are fairly good.
I have a job I like. And not too much of it, like I did in Paris. Never was there time for living. Too exhausted. Too wiped out. I have new friends that I can actually see several times a week. In Paris, good luck doing that. The commute separated me from everyone. Too time-consuming. Too complicated.
I have a body that now breathes healthiness. I have energy to do what I desire. Go to art openings, meet people for after-work drinks. Be impulsive. Get coffee on the go and stroll. Wherever, whenever. Liberty that anorexia steals from you.
This is my life today. Freer from an eating disorder’s horrid grip. I wish this blog to be a place of joy, and thus wonder about writing out anorexia. But it was a part of my life. A shade in my painting. Eating difficulties have been, since I was a teenager. This is my story. I am not ashamed, nor proud. It is just is. My struggle and story out to clearer oceans.
I feel the best when I am open and honest. It soothes the inner self. I cry and laugh at the same time, or one after another. I share and hope to encourage along the way. What is your challenge? How do you live and fiercely fight?