I want to write about how fashion makes me feel. Uber skinny models have me ask why? Still and again? My restrictive eating wasn’t caused uniquely by fash’ mag flipping, but partially yay. I couldn’t help but compare this girl to those glamorously portrayed in big glitter city scenes. If making me feel like crap wasn’t the purpose, then what was? Do these women stay at that weight just by genes? With no effort. And if there is a conscious push, is that then healthy to artificially maintain a lower than genetic body fat figure?
I am confused. I want to keep on reading about how to have fun with trends, boost that bluesy day, but don’t want to temp myself back into the collar bone comparison game. I equally long to enjoy fashion, but not consume more than my ecologic soul or economic, realistic life can afford. Is fashion blogging all about buying?
My life needs daily glamour. I wish to sparkle my being with little surprising vogue details. They don’t have to be pricey, yet can feel so exquisitely luxurious. I want to feel energetic and lovely in my body. I am determined to love myself in the shape that my body needs to be. This thought is scary at the same time, knowing that for the past seven years I have artificially controlled every entering calorie and thus maintained the fake form. Now that I am letting my body have a say, things feel unknown and impressive. Yet deep down, I know that since a long time, I am finally doing myself some real good. Painful youth binging is gone, so is the adulthood calorie hunt. Now Susa can just live. My body is still adjusting, as if it almost wouldn’t believe all this freedom to be true.
Having gone through the hell of two types of eating disorders, I now want to talk about this shameful secret that so many women experience. You don’t have to go to extremes, be hospitalized or loose your friends due to binge-caused let downs. You can be miserable at any level of screwed up eating behavior. And the more you sink into eating disorders, the worse it is for your mind and body. Get out as soon as you can.
So these days I am trying to let my body heal. I am giving it the proper, good, uncomplicated food. Along with the rest that it at the moment cherishes. I am trying to look at myself in the mirror with gentleness. Welcoming back the shape my unique life needs. I am looking at fashion from a self-protective point of view, trying not to hurt this girl with images that would convince me in wanting to be anyone else but me. I am beating the eating disorder left emptiness and anxiety with fashion frenzies that I create. Throwing together feathers, sequins, glitter and fur. Saying to Susa, “you are beautiful just the way you are. You lived in Paris but weren’t truly happy. You let the world impress you. Now you are finally living a fully fueled life. What a noble act.” Please join me in taking fashion for ourselves – lovely, healthy eating, energetic glam girls and guys!
![So[phis]tix](http://www.makinen.fr/susa/wordpress/wp-content/susu_img/sophistix.gif)
February 24, 2012 at 12:47 PM -
WONDERFUL post, Susu!
And thank you SO MUCH for sharing in complete honesty about your struggle.
Being in the beauty industry myself, I know exactly what you mean about looking at photos in a magazine of unrealistic images. However, I’ve gotten to the point of bluntly telling my clients that fashion, makeup, skincare, etc. should be used to ENHANCE what you already are; how you already look. Not to CHANGE yourself. And I truly think that’s the key.
“So these days I am trying to let my body heal. I am giving it the proper, good, uncomplicated food. Along with the rest that it at the moment cherishes. I am trying to look at myself in the mirror with gentleness. Welcoming back the shape my unique life needs.”
Brava! Good for you, girl!
Have a wonderful weekend, beautiful lady!
Ciao…..X
Great photos!
February 24, 2012 at 3:06 PM -
I love your honesty and I think that you are finding yourself in a happy place, mentally and physically your body has no choice but to follow.
Stay cheerful, be restful, and keep sharing such beautiful photos.
February 24, 2012 at 3:38 PM -
Beautiful thoughts on a very personal journey. You always inspire me with your wisdom, honesty and lovely photos.
February 24, 2012 at 11:30 PM -
You look just adorable and so so cute in this ensemble! The color looks great on you! I am very happy you are finally enjoying yourself, you totally should! And I think you can eat as much as want, you are very thin and can afford a dozen pounds!!! Just saying! Love, M.
February 25, 2012 at 12:01 AM -
Hey dear,
runway models having to be super-skinny has one simple reason: designers sew in one sample-size and the clothes need to HANG on the models so the cut can be seen properly. That`s it!
Skinny women are simply easier to dress than curvy women. Period. That`s why the models will always stay super-skinny and it will never change.
Another reason for their skinnyness is simply their age. They are discovered as naturally (effortless!) skinny teenagers age 13-15. These girls really eat pizza and all they want but when they turn 20 it`s over and they need to be on permanent diet. Just read how the “supposed cury” Victoria`s Secret models prepare for the show (2 work-outs a day and only protein shakes for 21 days! Sounds “healthy”, huh? *YUCK*)
And as for the “glamorous identification” – that sure is tempting to our dreams and desires but this “glamour” makes not even 1% of the life-time of these girls. Their reality is f.e. getting shocked looks in real life. Last time I departed from Milan Fashion Week I was waiting for my flight and there was a really skinny model also waiting. She wore skinny jeans which exposed the 20 cm gap between her upper inner thights (I`m a size small and my upper inner thights almost touch). There were many business men waiting too and guess what, I was the one who was considered “the attractive one” and the model just received shocked/confused/disgusted looks.
Fact is, these girls live in “Fashion LaLa Land” and as soon as they enter “reality” they are no longer attractive.
Bottom line is: we can never be anyone but ourselves, so WE NEED TO STOP COMPARING OURSELVES TO OTHERS!
Love, Jen
February 25, 2012 at 8:58 AM -
Such a great post!
I think its so sad that runway models are SO skinny. I honestly think, that the clothes they are wearing would look better on FIT and HEALTHY people (like you!).
Have an amazing weekend!!! xx
February 25, 2012 at 9:22 AM -
I absolutely love reading your posts. I love the positive energy that comes across and the type of wisdom that comes through in what you write and how you speak about overcoming your obstacles. yay!!!!!
February 26, 2012 at 4:44 PM -
Good words! Such a wonderful post!
February 27, 2012 at 12:28 AM -
my friends and i found your blog over a year ago and this is our favorite post you’ve ever posted <3 love your attitude and positive thinking. so beautiful inside and out!
February 29, 2012 at 7:41 PM -
Your attitude is so amazing! You’re beautiful and even more so when you’re healthy!
February 29, 2012 at 8:57 PM -
So glad you are taking care of yourself! And you look beautiful on skates!
February 29, 2012 at 9:48 PM -
First I want to say I absolutely love your coat
I am really glad to hear that you are taking such a healthy approach to things. Its a really hard step to take and its awesome to hear you blog about it!
February 29, 2012 at 11:45 PM -
Oh I agree such good words. You have such a great smile. Love your coat!!